test

---

MOM

also from Colleen

Poem to MOM  

My son  came home from school one day,
With a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
To put me in my place.

'Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
Don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
Or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
And regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
And I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
And pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
Get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime. 

I'll back up all my charges,
With the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
My body's only for my use,
Not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
Like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
So you can't influence me,
Or I'll call Children's Services Division,
Better known as C.S.D.'

Mom's Reply and Thoughts

Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
Made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
At the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, 'Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D ..
Who said they didn't care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
Instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment
To take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. Is unconcerned
So I'll decide what's best. '

I said 'No time to stop and eat,
Or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
To make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
And wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
A favorite dish of mine.'

He asked 'Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?'
'Sorry, but I sold your TV,
For new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
You'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. Requires
Just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
Will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
Dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
Instead of C.S.D..?'

Send to all people that have teenagers, have already raised teenagers, have children who will soon be teenagers or those who will be parents someday OR ANYONE WHO'D JUST GET A LAUGH

MOM (Mean Old Mother)

New School Pledge

from Colleen.  Don't care if it's true or not.

 WRITTEN BY A 15 YR OLD SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA : 

New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME)!

   
Since the Pledge of Allegiance And The Lord's Prayer   
Are not allowed in most Public schools anymore   
Because the word 'God' is mentioned....   
A kid in Arizona wrote the attached

NEW School prayer :

Now I sit me down in school  

Where praying is against the rule  

For this great nation under God  

Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,  

It violates the Bill of Rights.  

And anytime my head I bow  

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,  

That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.  

The law is specific, the law is precise.  

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.    

For praying in a public hall  

Might offend someone with no faith at all.  

In silence alone we must meditate,  

God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,  

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..  

They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.  

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,  

And the 'unwed daddy', our Senior King.  

It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,  

We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,  

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.  

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,  

No word of God must reach this crowd.    

It's scary here I must confess,  

When chaos reigns the school's a mess.  

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:  

Should I be shot; My soul please take!  

Amen

If you aren't ashamed to do this,  

Please pass this on.  

Jesus said,  

'If you are ashamed of me,  

I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'  

Not ashamed. Pass this on..

Go Home, IE6

 

From Philip.  Source here.

Today's Spam

• Your member will grow like a flower but it will never fade like it.

Um... yeah... back when Friends was on the air, wasn't flower young-Monica's codeword for her genders' stuff?

Spam

Subject lines of spam I received today:

• Do you want to feel like a fish in the river at diplomatic meetings?
• Nominate someone for a degree
• Now you don't have to make love only to ugly women.

No Sissy Friendship Poem

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1.When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off-- After I laugh my butt off!!

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

(from Leticia)

Curiosity

(thanks, Rob)

The other day I was out walking and I came upon a construction site..

As I got closer, I could hear a group of workers chanting  -- "13, 13, 13"

So this got my curiosity up, and I walked closer to site, but there was a tall board fence that prevented me from seeing over..  I then saw a gap in the boards and went over to take a look to see what was going on

Then some JERK! poked me in the eye with a friggen stick   And then all of a sudden, the workers started up the chant again -- "14, 14, 14."

10 Dumbest Viral Marketing Campaigns

A must read.  From Skip.

New Office Policy

(from Alicia)

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank You


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Balance

from Leticia...

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,"

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God, "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace.

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There is another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

So he just dances and dances and dances. And he dances like me. And someone pays for him to travel. Nice.

Pork and Beans

From Alicia. Here's a good breakdown of all the featured call-backs:
http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,23772877-5014108,00.html

LOST Flash-Forwards in 8:42

Someone's best guess as to the ordering of the flash-forwards.

Tag Galaxy

So cool....


Visit the Tag Galaxy directly.

The Mean Kitty Song

I liked this one much better.

White People Like to Rap About Their Cats

Sheesh. From Lori.

Again and Again

This is weird. Cooler than what I found on YouTube that appears to be the official music video.

Kids' Rock by Tim Hawkins

ha. from Alicia.

Retro-Encabulator

More details / why I posted this.