Stuff People Send Me: June 2007

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Bad Place Names

from Marcus

The 22 Worst Place Names in the World

READ THE ARTICLE AT DRIVL.COM

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

What Your Icons Do When You're Sleeping

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm

Monday, June 25, 2007

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2 He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Frivolous & Not Funny!

The "Stella Award" - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S., was started in honor of Stella Liebeck, the 81-year-old lady who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds for having served her hot coffee.

The following were this year's candidates:

1. Kathleen Robideaux of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Mrs. Robideaux's. own son.

2. A 19-year-old, Seth Truman of Los Angeles, won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

3. A Terrence Forrest of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Forrest found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

4. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Amish of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Miss Amish threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

5. Jerry Flynt of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Flynt who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

6. Kara Dent of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Dent was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

And the winner was:

Mr. Merv Douglaston of Oklahoma City. Mr. Douglaston purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having merged onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Douglaston sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of their court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles).